The auditorium was filled with the jingoistic cries of the crowd. Screams for blood, screams for physical violence.. Screams of encouragement to the fighters within the round cage in the center. The two fighters then enter into the ring. The first, a tall slim figure weighing in at 160 pounds and cut like a Calvin Kline model that has smoked way too many cigarettes and only had an apple a day for the past year as nutrition. The other, a figure I was quite familiar with, was slender and not nearly as cut, but muscular. The fight lasted but a few minutes, yet I hung on every tender moment of watching the man I was romantically linked to, tumbling about a small area surrounded by common chain link fence and getting his face pounded upon by a professional boxer. Struggling to keep my composure, I held onto my friend’s hand for dear life as I watched the match. Then ref suddenly tossed one off the other and screamed aloud for all those to hear that the fight was over. What? Huh? I couldn’t tell exactly what was happening; the last thing I saw was Jake on the bottom of the struggle as the other was shoving his elbow into his throat. Apparently Jake had managed to link both his leg and his arm around the man’s throat and cut off the blood flow to his brain, forcing him to leave the match before losing consciousness. God, Jake looked like a wreck. His cheek and eyebrow already bleeding and swelling from the hits he had taken, but the idiotic grin still decorated his features as the ref announced him the winner. As the crowd rose to hear the announcement of the fight ending, the two over-zealous TV. hosts came with a large camera and interviewed him. One mentioned, “My goodness with a handsome fellow like you and this win you could have any girl you possibly wanted in this entire joint! Women love fighters like you.” His half-guttural reply: “... Uh.. yup, don’t know about that.”

*record screeching to a halt*

Why yes, this would be the point where my heart went from being high within the rafters to being dropped like a penny off the Empire State Building.

But why?

Within me I had wished for a response much like: “Sorry Bucko, but there’s only one girl for me in this entire joint.”

Or, “That’s nice and all, but there’s only one girl in this audience that makes my heart sing.”

The list goes on. Did I realize that he had just had his face pounded in by a professional boxer? Yes. Did I acknowledge that he wasn’t thinking entirely all that clear because of the struggle only moments before? Yes. But did that stop my heart from cracking ever so little from not being acknowledged and adored much like all the women in the movies? No.

This leads me to the post that I’ve wanted to make in almost two weeks; what are the expectations of love and relationships that we gain entirely from an unrealistic perspective shown in the media? What is the impact that these unrealistic romantic relationships having on our society as a whole? What is love?

I spent this particular semester trying to figure that out. I’ve read Cosmo, I’ve read Plato, I’ve read Dante, I’ve even read those trashy romance novels, I’ve read all over the place suffice to say. All have driven me closer to the point of learning exactly what I want to know, but I am still perplexed. What is that feeling that you get when someone attractive walks by, as opposed to that feeling you see in the eyes of the elderly couple holding hands walking in the park? More importantly, why are we expecting someone like the Dread Pirate Roberts or the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model of the year to come whisk us away and adore us until the end of time? And what exactly is a relationship?

These are good questions. However I have noticed that most people spend their entire lives developing answers for them. To each their own is a very appropriate manner to address this

For example, while preparing for my Math 1010 final, I overheard something rather peculiar. I was sitting, no wait.. More like twitching in place while my friend Julie sat across from me and assisted me with any particular problem that did not suit well with my already scattered and stressed out mind. At times like these we tend to forget the lovely nature of humanity and the odd things that can occur to call our attention back to reality. And at these times I have noticed that the most peculiar things seem to happen. Like a group of slightly over-weight, coke-eyeglass toting, slightly-balding men gathering on a table next to you and announcing in an obnoxious tone and volume: “Girls don’t know how easy they have it! Guys come to THEM in order to get dates and they can say yes or no. I mean, come on! How hard can that be?!”

Sometimes I think our culture focuses entirely far too much on the differences between the sexes, because this conversation I have heard so often from females as well. Why do we honestly sit around and complain about group we are attracted to if we really want to be in a relationship? I asked another one of my friends about this, she promptly replied: “These people are not looking for a partner; they are looking for a servant.”

The expectation of others to seek out and do all of the work in a relationship is something I see quite often. And the unrealistic perspective that marriage and relationships are entirely joy and rapture and that they are to be sought out as quickly as possible is something that deeply disturbs me as well. Why do we place such a high value on lust and not love?

Yes, I’m currently single. Am I angry about being single because I was just recently in a relationship? No. Am I seeking out a relationship to define myself as a human being? No. But why do others do this so often? Why do others seek out another to complete themselves? The Greeks had an interesting answer to this question. In one of their own myths, humans were once complete and were neither male nor female. They were both and were continually happy and all-powerful due to their body constantly being in a state of equilibrium. However, the gods became jealous/afraid/contemptuous of the human creature and therefore separated them to create male and female. Because of this, we have an inner desire to ultimately become one again. In the climax of sexual intimacy we can once again feel what our ancestors knew at all times.

Then again the Greeks were interesting people. Why rest the responsibility of seeking the true nature of self through another? Isn’t that unfair enough as it is? Of course we discover more things about ourselves while in relationships, but often I see people fill the inadequacies of self-reliance, self esteem, and belief by rushing into marriages and relationships.

Another friend of mine asked his class to write down their greatest possessions. One thing that shocked him was that some of the replies consisted of human beings: “My Wife”, “My Kids”, or “My Family.” What on earth inclines these people to write down human beings as possessions? How do you own another person?

Relationships, no matter how you look at it, are a working function between two people. Whether it be friends, lovers, children, anything. There are two people contributing and taking as a whole in order to gain from one another. What I would consider a truly inspiring love story is not a Peasant boy seeking fortune for his one true love and coming back to rescue her from a loveless marriage. Or some prince in shinning armor to come whisk me away to another kingdom. When I see people together in long-lasting and loving relationships I do not think:”God, they are so lucky to have found each other”. No, I think: “It is truly inspiring to see two people who take such care and affection in one another to work at building such a relationship.” Well.. Not that I think those exact words, but the feeling is there; Admiration and inspiration.

No.. To me, love is affection, respect, admiration, compassion, mercy, acknowledgement, forgiveness.. The list goes on. It is an amorphous emotion without boundaries or restrictions besides that which we apply to it.

Love is, as said so appropriately in As Good As It Gets, someone who’s very existence on the earth makes you want to be a better person.

Whether it is fleeting as a side-glance on a bus, or a lifetime together.. Love is not a possession for human beings, nor is it something to be sought after like a prize to show to others.

Then again that simply still leaves the question open..

What is love to you?